I think the problem with the Aziz Ansari case and others like it is that it becomes difficult for the woman involved to “make it clear” that they don’t want have sex.

It’s really about who has the burden of consent. And as a man, as the one who is usually the physically stronger party, I don’t see why that should be the female. What I am suggesting is that perhaps we forego sex with people we barely know. Doing that solves many of the complications surrounding consent.

But even if two people who barely know each other begin sexual activity, I am suggesting that the party that wheels most of the power — the man — make it a point to involve an emotional connection with the person that they are attempting to have sex with. Crazy, I know — I sound like some sort of prude. But notice that I didn’t say attachment, I just said connection. When I converse with someone, especially strangers, I try to form an emotional connection with them. That allows me to better read their body language, facial expressions, in tone. Really, it’s just good practice in terms of being a person interacting with another person.

Written by

Author of “The Wabi-Sabi Way” and “Be, Think, Do”. Subscribe to my newsletter “Woolgathering”: https://goo.gl/UhzUYL.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store